I was talking with my landlady after our dinner together. She asked me what I have learned so far during my stay in Taiwan this past year. I quickly answered that I learned to wait on God, to be with Him rather than doing things for Him.

Though it might sound like a very simple lesson, but  in its actuality, waiting on God is very hard. Our culture dictates us that the more thing we do then more valuable we are. The more thing that you could do or get done, then the more useful you are. I don't think I am the only one who brings this mindset into our personal relationship with God.

There are 3 possible underlying motives when we do things for God :
1. We do it out of our love for God . There is, of course, nothing wrong with this... Everything we do have to flow out of our love relationship with God. We do things because we love Him.. and not the other way around.
2. We do things so that God will see us under a more favorable light. In a way , we do all the things that we do because we want to make sure that God likes us, loves us, etc.
3. We do things to 'escape' from God's wrath, i.e. buying our salvation. Although this might sound ridiculous to those of you who have already accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.  You know that you are saved by  your faith in Christ and not by your deeds. Well, let me ask you a question.. when you fall into temptation and sin against God, do you think God still like you? Do you think God still loves you? If there's even a hint of a doubt in your heart, then I would suggest to pray to God that He will reveal what it means to live under His grace. Let the words " saved  by grace and not by deeds" to truly come alive for you..

Don't get me wrong! Just because I am writing all of these it doesn't mean that I've got it all figured out. I am definitely learning, but I still need God's Spirit to carve it upon the wall of my heart so that I will never forget this one thing : I am saved by grace and none of things that I do could make God love me less or love me more. His love is perfect and I am forever His daughter. 

One thing that we need to remember is the fact that when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, not only we are saved from eternal damnation, we are also adopted into God's family. He adopted us into His family and calls us His own sons and daughters. Our status is now sons and daughters of the King of the universe.

If I were to ask how many Christians who read my blog actually know about this concept to raise their hands, I am pretty sure that there are probably so many of you who raise your hands. But the thing is,  it is  not about what you know, rather than it's about what you believe. When you believe it , then the next step would be how you live out loud that truth. 

A lot of us, although know that ourselves are the sons and daughters of the King, somehow live like paupers. We are still living with a sense of helplessness, directionless, confusion, and unbelief. Rather than believing that our good Heavenly Father could provide the best that He could give for us, we keep worrying and worrying and worrying. Rather than asking God for miracles and supernatural things to happen our lives, we drown ourselves in the sea of helplessness as if God is powerless while our mouth singing the song " Nothing is impossible for our Lord ". Isn't this laughable? Or shall I say... sad?

If we are  to fulfill our destiny, that it is crucial for us to truly know our identity in Christ. You cannot find your identity anywhere else but in God. Father God is our creator. Just like when we see a new product and might be clueless as to how to use them, so are we if we were to try to find or make up our own identity.  We will see vacuum cleaner who try to do the work of  a tennis racket, an iron that's used as a phone ( Ouch! ), or a violin being played like a guitar. At times it's laughable, at other times it could be deadly dangerous, and some other times, it just a plain waste of the potential that those products have. That's the same with us. It will be a complete different matter if we ask the manufacturer. They will tel you that vacuum cleaner is used to vacuum the carpet in your living room, an iron is used to straightened your clothes, and in order for you to produce a beautiful melody out of your violin, you'd need to draw your bow across its strings rather than pluck it like a guitar. Only God, our manufacturer can give us our identity, our purpose. John 1: 12 clearly said that " to all who did receive Him
( Jesus), to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." Our identity is this... the children of God, His beloved.

Being in Taiwan is God's grace for me. Before coming to Taiwan I had always been involved with ministry of some sort. Small group leader, Sunday school teacher, worship team's pianist/keyboardist, bla bla bla. Due to my language limitation, I am not able to do the things that I would have done if I were to attend an English speaking or Indonesian speaking congregation. But you know what? This actually do me some good.

I have had some times of soul searching. I come face to face with myself. I started to see how I had attached my worth as a person to the things that I could do for God, or the things that I could do in general. When I could do nothing, then I grew to be frustrated, upset, and disillusioned. I started to feel like a failure. I felt like I amounted to nothing and all of those. But this confrontation was a good confrontation. That was God's purification for myself. Only when I knew how wrong I was then God could move freely to change those misconceptions with His truth.
As I struggle daily with my weakness, God's grace for me become more real than ever.  Not only do I know that  God's grace is upon me, but now, I realize how much I need it.  I was stripped away from all the things that I take pride in just so that I could become more  and more like Jesus. Less of "Grace" , more of  Jesus.

I thank God for the freedom that I have in Him.  It is better to be rebuked and corrected by God and having those mistakes straightened by God. God's rebuke brings about repentance, and repentance brings out renewal, growth, and life. I would rather be rebuked by God over and over and over and over, because I know God's truth sets me free.

-gRaCe-

More than a hundred years ago J. Hudson Taylor, the founder of the now Overseas Mission Fellowship (OMF), said this : " If I had 1,000 lives, I would give them all to China.”. I heard this quote for the first time during the Global Day of Prayer in Hong Kong 2 weeks ago. I was floored when I heard it. 

I felt  that God pierced my heart with those words. Although I was not born in China and it is only recently that I start to be able to speak Mandarin, but I still identify myself as Chinese more than my identity as Indonesian or Canadian. I was pierced by the fact that someone who wasn't related to China in any ways loved God and loved China that much to the point that he laid his life for God's Kingdom in China. Here was the person  who came from distant land who was willing to leave everything that he had so that my ancestors  could hear the Gospel As a person from this Chinese heritage, what will I do to share the Gospel and establish God's Kingdom among my people?

As I was worshiping during our young adult service this past Saturday, I felt like I could feel God asked me in my heart this question, " Grace, are you willing to lay down your life for the revival of my people in China?"  I was floored when I heard that question. To be honest, it wasn't really a question. I think God knows my heart and He also knows that my heart is already consumed with the passion to see His Kingdom all over the earth, and specifically in this particular country. God  knows my heart...

I still don't know how answering this calling look like practically but I have already given God a "Yes" as an answer. I am far from perfect and I know that I am nothing but a jar of clay. But I also know that God is not looking for a perfect vessel, rather, He's looking for a willing heart. I might not God's first choice, but here I am saying to God " Here I am, send me! "

Yesterday was the last day of school for us at MTC. Our class went to KTV for our farewell party. It was a rather small party, but fun nonetheless. I am actually excited for next semester since I've got to the point where I can learn more fun Chinese compared to the past couple semesters. 

I am leaving for  Hong Kong tomorrow evening and will be back in Taiwan next Tuesday. For some reason, I am really looking forward to this trip. Although it might seem just like a regular trip visiting my friends and sightseeing in HK, for some reason, I feel that it's much more important than just that. I can only imagine what the Holy Spirit is leading me to. I am planning  to have an adventure with one of my friends on Saturday where we are going to explore the city on our foot, walking to the place where God is leading us and prayer-walking Hong Kong at the same time. That's going to be really really fun.. =)

I handed in my application to the my church's Bible school yesterday. I will be having the interview next Thursday and writing the written test on June 20th. The craziest thing is the fact that all of them will be conducted in Chinese! Hahhaa..

The longer I walk with God, the more I realize that God is a fun God. I saw how God caught me off guard with how things developed  and turned so far. 90% of my plan flew out of the window, but that's what makes thing even more fun!  Little did I know that when I came to Taiwan I would be staying for at least 2 years and possibly doing bible school here on top of that! I can only say... God is funny. I am praising Him and giving thanks, though.  He makes my life very very interesting. He has been faithful indeed.

One of the reasons why I feel the need to attend a bible school is I feel that I need my life to be strengthened my God's words. I, of all people, know that my characters still need to be shaped, my thinking needs to be renewed, and my heart needs to be softened. I need to know God. Why I choose my church's school.. well, one reason is because I know at least a few of the teachers in that school. I know that all of them are active pastors who are  pastoring different areas of ministry in our church. I know that when they teach, they teach with their heart and their lives and not only with their head knowledge. The least that I need right now is theory. I am not saying that head knowledge is not important, but me being someone with stronger inclination to listen to my brain and logic rather than to my heart need to get it balanced. Different people have different needs.

Another reason is because my calling is for Asia, and quite specifically, China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. I am already in Taiwan right now, and if anyone knows about the needs in Taiwan and how to minister to Taiwanese effectively would be the Taiwanese people themselves. If I were to serve here in any capacity, then I need to learn under the local Taiwanese teaching...

Since  I've got this step down now,  I start to think about what's gonna come after this. However, I feel that God is telling me to be patient. One step at a time. There is no need to rush. When God opens a door, noone could close it. Samewise, when God close a door, then noone could open it. I feel like God told me to stop banging on a door that He hasn't opened yet.. I just need to be patient, do my best and give my all in the next step that He has made known to me. Patience really is a virtue.

I can't wait until September comes.. that's when the Bible school will be starting. It will be a lot of work, but definitely a lot of fun =D

-gRaCe-